What is Parentification?

Parentification can be defined as a functional and/or emotional role reversal where the child’s needs become secondary to the parents. Parentification is the result of an intentional or unintentional abdication of responsibility by the parent/s. It can be caused by child neglect and maltreatment.

A child may be in a situation where they:

• are in the position of needing to care for a sick or disabled parent/s (It is reported that between 2–8% of youth under the age of 18 are young carers in high-income countries).
• are made responsible for their parent’s emotional needs

The type of parent who emotionally parentifies their child may:

• have a personality disorder
• be in addiction
• have their own unprocessed trauma

A parentified child may end up as a caretaker for the whole family.

While some adult responsibilities can be beneficial to a child in their development – it can become problematic when:

• a child is overburdened
• a child is given responsibilities above their developmental level
• the child’s own wants and needs are not given the importance necessary for their healthy development.

On a functional level, a child may be required to do excessive household chores and/or to earn money. There is a lack of praise and supervision. On an emotional level, a child is required to be a confidante, a ‘therapist,’ a peacemaker or a surrogate partner to their parent. A parent will break the healthy boundaries of the parent-child relationship by revealing intimate and inappropriate information. Emotional parentification is the most harmful to the child. Children may be parentified both functionally and emotionally or be placed in only one of the roles.

The implications of parentification expand beyond the parentified individual (e.g., psychological, cognitive, and physical health outcomes) to the family of origin, as outcomes for siblings are affected and it has been found that 25–40% of parentified women report voluntary childlessness. Research has showed that parentified children experience suboptimal outcomes in adulthood, including higher incidence of depression, anxiety, drug use and addiction, under- and un-employment, poor physical health, and lower educational attainment.

According to research by Rosenbaum (1963), being forced into a position of raising their younger siblings can mean that older siblings, because they are immature, have violent fantasies and impulses towards their young siblings. Therefore, it is as harmful and traumatic for a child as parental rejection and absenteeism.

Children can benefit from roles in the family that test, but do not over-challenge, their skills.

Parentified children may have to;

• help their parents make important decisions
• work and contribute towards the family finances
• be a peacemaker who sorts out the disputes in the family, they may feel like a referee
• help to solve issues between the parents or other adult figures
• comfort their parents when they are angry or upset
• do most or all of the household chores

Parentification in a Narcissistic Household

Children in narcissistic families are frequently used as confidants, referees and therapists. Narcissistic mothers often use their sons as proxy partners. Information shared by the parent with the child is often intimate and inappropriate. The parent may demand the child’s loyalty against the other parent. Children may feel responsible for ‘fixing’ and helping their parent. Narcissistic parents expect their children to behave like adults and they project adult motivations onto their children’s behaviours. The parent uses their child to regulate their emotions.

Please click on the links below to learn how to recover from parentification.