Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.
Welcome
Welcome to my website. My name is Sarah and I am a counsellor, trained and based in the UK, with specialist knowledge of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. There is a lot of information on this website about NPD and the effects narcissists have on their children and partners which I hope you will find useful.
Narcissistic
Personality Disorder
If your partner or parent can be cold, controlling or devaluing, be dismissive of you or your opinions, has rarely said sorry for anything, seems to be lacking in empathy, gives you the silent treatment which may go on for days or even weeks, if they lie a lot, or are manipulative and self-centred, if you get the feeling they think ‘it’s my way or the highway,’ if they are jealous and highly critical, if they are quick to anger and rage and if you feel you are never good enough – you may have a partner or parent with NPD.
A person with NPD can cause their partner and/or children to feel shamed, belittled and ignored and it can have serious effects on self-worth and self-esteem. A person who grows up with a parent with NPD may develop Complex PTSD, addictions, a panic disorder, anxiety or depression, amongst other outcomes.
Was It That Bad? How Low-Key Abuse Has a Profound Effect
Was It That Bad? Many people who have grown up with a narcissistic parent often question whether their childhood was ‘that bad.’ They may know they were unhappy as a child and that there was something wrong but there may be a lot of doubt in their mind as to exactly what they went through and why. It was ‘that bad,’ so why do people struggle to see that? This is for many reasons. We start to defend ourselves from
The Trauma Bond
Many of us are familiar with the term ‘trauma bond,’ but what does it actually mean? How can we explain the feeling that many people
Why Relationships Can Be Difficult
Why Are Relationships Often Difficult for People Who Have Come From a Narcissistic Family? An issue which troubles many people who come from narcissistic families
The Price We Pay For Our Defences
Defences Protect Us Defences are necessary and we all need to have them. The ideal defences are the mature defences of sublimation, compensation and assertive
Popular Articles
NPD – Emotional Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy
What is Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy? MSBP is defined as a mental health problem in which a caregiver makes up or causes an illness or
Coercion and Narcissistic Personality Disorder
People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are very controlling with the people around them. They can be jealous and possessive. They will often use coercive techniques
Attachment Theory and Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Attachment theory deals with the relationship between the primary caregiver and their baby. Research has shown that attachment styles can be observed and are established
Internal Family Systems Theory
How the Mind Works as an Internal Family Internal Family Systems Theory, developed by Richard C. Shwartz in the 1980s, has grown out of family
Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Narcissists and Unhealthy Boundaries
Narcissistic Families and Boundaries What are Boundaries? A boundary can be defined as a barrier which separates two things. Healthy psychological boundaries between people mean
Behavioural Conditioning in a Narcissistic Family
Behavioural Conditioning and Narcissism We are products of both nature and nurture. We are born with an inherent character which adapts to the environment we
The Successful Narcissist
The Real Self and the Adapted Self A narcissist spends their life defending themselves against the deep wounds inflicted in early childhood (often by their
What is Narcissistic Abuse?
Narcissistic abuse describes the way narcissists behave toward intimate others and the effects it has on them. NPD is a set of defence mechanisms that
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List of Common Narcissistic Behaviours
Narcissistic Rage
Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Empathy
Cluster B Personality Disorders
Narcissistic Supply
Theories of Causes of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
The Fear of Abandonment
What is the Fear of Abandonment? A fear of abandonment is a deep-seated fear of being left by people that you are close to. This
Body Image and Binge Eating
Many children of narcissists have a complex relationship with food which may come in the form of binge eating. Men and women can both be
Adverse Childhood Experiences
Adverse Childhood Experiences A study was published in 1998 as a collaboration between the Centres for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and Kaiser Permanente (a
Clues That You May Have Complex PTSD
Some people who have Complex PTSD often do not know that they have it because so much of their emotional life and bodily sensations have
Addictions
What is an Addiction? An addiction is a repetitive or compulsive behaviour that people use to regulate and manage their emotions. These can be emotions
Shame
Children of narcissists will often have lots of feelings of guilt and shame. Shame can often ‘stick like glue’. Narcissists shame their children constantly (both
How We Become Our Own Abuser
Children of narcissists will often ‘internalise the narcissist’. This means to develop part of the brain/personality which mirrors/copies the narcissist’s critical voice. This defence mechanism
Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder How C-PTSD Develops Complex PTSD develops in response to chronic traumatisation over the course of months or years. The trauma
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
Those with Narcissistic Personality Disordered parents have a lot of healing to do, but it can be done. The defences that were built in childhood
How Children are Affected by a Parent with NPD
There are many ways in which children are affected by narcissistic parents and these can include developing addictions, black and white thinking, C-PTSD, paranoia, people
Children of Narcissists on YouTube
If you prefer audio – I read through some of these articles on my YouTube channel.
There are also a few videos which are not based on articles.
Trauma Articles
Adverse Childhood Experiences
Adverse Childhood Experiences A study was published in 1998 as a collaboration between the Centres for Disease Control and Prevention
Paranoia
Many children from abusive homes have lifelong issues with trust and very strong paranoid tendencies. This paranoia has served an
The International Trauma Questionnaire
Symptoms of PTSD and Complex PTSD The International Trauma Questionnaire focuses on defining whether a person has Post Traumatic Stress
Structural Dissociation
The Structural Dissociation Model Dissociation is on a spectrum ranging from daydreaming to DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder – formerly known
Symptoms of Trauma
Trauma survivors have symptoms of the trauma in their behaviours and thoughts, these are not their personality or character but
The Brain and Trauma
Swollen Amygdala A child living under traumatic conditions will develop a brain that is very biased to danger. This will
Trauma and Dissociation
Dissociation is on a spectrum. At one end we have normal dissociation such as daydreaming or going onto autopilot when
Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder How C-PTSD Develops Complex PTSD develops in response to chronic traumatisation over the course of
Miscellaneous Articles
Societal Gaslighting And Narcissistic Parents
Gaslighting by Society Growing up in a narcissistic family is made more difficult because the child is gaslit within the
Gaslighting
The Origins of the Term The term ‘gaslighting’ is taken from the film Gaslight released in 1944. The film concerns
The Myth of Narcissus
Narcissus is a character from Greek/Roman Mythology. The classic version of the story of Echo and Narcissus is found in Book
Zersetzung – Gaslighting
The Macrocosm and the Microcosm Gaslighting is done at the microcosmic level in narcissistic families. Zersetzung shows us what can
Narcissistic Abuse and Ayahuasca
Meredith Miller is a YouTuber who is the child of a narcissistic mother. Her channel is Inner Integration. In this
Prisoners and Dissociation
The following is taken from The Journal of Traumatic Stress Volume 5, No. 3, 1992. https://www.myptsd.com/gallery/-pdf/1-90.pdf by Judith Lewis Herman
The Narcissistic Family System
A person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder will generally have come from a background where there was a parent with NPD
Neuroplasticity
Neuroplasticity is the ability of the brain to adapt physically to new information and grow new neural pathways. It is
Therapy -
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We are not what happened to us, we are what we wish to become.
