The Anger Iceberg reminds us that when we are feeling angry we are often protecting ourselves from other emotions. Anger is a useful tool as it is full of energy which helps us to act and it keeps others away from us. It can help with our self-awareness to identify which feelings may be below the surface.

Anger is a natural emotion but sometimes the way it is expressed can be destructive. There are techniques with which it can be dealt with in a healthy way. Anger is full of energy and a physical activity such as ripping up paper or punching or screaming into a pillow can help it to disperse. Another good technique for getting out the angry feelings is to write an unsent letter – express your feelings in a letter and then dispose of it – this can be very cathartic.

Many children from narcissistic families have been conditioned to not show anger. They may have feelings of guilt attached if they do have angry feelings arise. They may have a lot of suppressed rage.