A workaholic can be defined as a person who spends a majority of their time working compulsively and excessively, often to the detriment of their well-being.

Many people from narcissistic families are (often subconsciously) terrified of freedom and feel uncomfortable without having someone or some routine controlling them and the lack of these can be anxiety inducing.

As a coping mechanism, they will build their lives around being busy and being a workaholic. They can be addicted to not feeling and they get restless and panicky when having nothing to do. They schedule tasks and chores. Some people can’t stand to be alone or to do nothing and this is evidence of someone living a life dominated by a ‘false’ or adapted self.

The ‘false’ or adapted self can be defined as a set of defensive behaviours which protect us from pain and fear. It is a set of automatic responses to triggers, either in the outside world or inside our own minds and thought processes. It tries to defend us from engulfment and abandonment and it keeps us functioning.

They can feel like they are a phoney or an imposter and their lives are not directed by their real authentic selves. On a deeper level, which is often too deep to be perceived or admitted, they can feel like hypocrite or a robot who is programmed by a false self to sabotage any satisfaction that could be derived from loving or working.

Loving and working are the ways in which we express ourselves and they give meaning to our lives, but not if one’s primary goal is to avoid feeling bad and all energy must be channelled towards that goal. Personal meaning in our lives must be created and the process of creating it requires testing and experimentation, which a false self will not do, as it is a defence against experimenting.